A Silent Confidence
by kaleliza
Summary: Everything in Bella's life is changing. She's diving headfirst into something she thinks she wants, when what she wants is to feel complete, to find herself. She thinks she can find it in her music, but is that enough? Human. Rated M for future chapters.
1. The New Fitness Room

**Disclaimer: I didn't write Twilight, I just rented the characters for a while.**

**A/N: Imagine if you _could _rent Edward. OMC, the waiting list would be insane. _So_yeah this is my first fanfiction. Be nice. It'll get better I promise. You always have to get through the borrow beginnings. But it would be nice for some feedback, constructive criticism and whatnot. Yay!**

"Mom, I seriously doubt I'll need all of those." I cried for what seemed like the millionth time today.

Renee had busied herself all afternoon since she took on the duty of packing my suitcase, probably to disguise her sadness about my leaving. She kept her eyes on the mounds of clothes surrounding her, eye darting, hands digging, rarely looking at me.

"Bella, don't be silly." She made herself look torn between packing a fourth dress or to leave it at three. Like I even wear them. "You do want to make a good impression on these people, don't you?"

These people. These spoiled, get anything and everything handed to them on a silver platter people. I shuttered at the thought of mingling, going to their parties, drinking their champagne and eating their caviar.. well that's probably what they do. Probably with not a hair out of place either.

"I don't want to impress them, Mom. Especially if it only takes nice clothes. I just want to do my own thing." I kept my voice even, not wanting to start anything with her just hours before my flight to LA.

"I still don't understand why you decided against New york." Oh here she goes. I only applied there to get her off my back. I didn't really believe that I would be accepted. "Bella, really, it just blows my mind! Think of what you're giving up! The music program is definitely better there and the kind of life..."

I ignored her usual rant as I looked around my room. It hasn't really changed in the past 18 years. The same green paint on the walls with the fading strip of wildflower wallpaper, the old rocking chair in the corner that has been there ever since I could remember, my small bed barely big enough for me, covered with guilt, or better known as 100 Egyptian cotton sheets and the most comfortable duvet you could imagine - a gift from my mother and my new step-father, Phil. Everything was neat and tidy. I was never one for neatness, and seeing my room like this depressed me. Renee has slowly been emptying out the room, one piece of furniture at a time to make space for her new fitness area. She claimed that having a husband as fit as baseball "pro" Phil forced her to stay in good shape, and not, like I pointed out, because he was 10 years younger than her. I was just cynical that she wasn't being all sentimental and keeping my room exactly as it was, like some mothers would. But Renee wasn't like most mothers. After about 15 minutes of me staring off into space and feel sorry for myself I realized my mother was still talking to me.

"...Think of the places you could see. Oh for heaven's sake!" She was sitting on top of my suitcase trying to get the zipper closed. "Bella, don't just stand there. Help me!"

Only after an hour of both my mother and I jumping on top of the suitcase did it finally close all the way, although it did threaten to burst open. I made a mental reminder to repack everything when my mother when to bed, especially removing the sundresses she thought were so necessary. She was out of breath when she stood up and made her way to the hallway.

"You can still change your mind, you know." She said offhandedly, but I knew she still had hope. Hope that I would be the daughter she wanted. I grew up way too fast, taking care of both of us it seemed. I thought it was pointless and boring to dress up and be a "girl for once" as my mother so delicately puts it. I liked comfortable. Jeans, t-shirt and my chucks were all I needed. And just like my appearance, my mother would never understand my decision for school. The the only professor I wanted was Dr. Brandon Strongheld, he was brilliant and taught some of the best vocalists in the world. Ever since I went to that seminar he had at the community center 3 years ago and saw what he did with Angela, I knew I had to see him. He not only helped her with her tonality and range, but the flow of his words spewing with knowledge and experience brought out her confidence. Confidence is what I needed and Dr. Strongheld would give it to me.

"Mom..." I looked into her eyes, pleading her to let this go. I had to go, I had to do this. "I've made up my mind. UCLA is where I need to be."

"I know sweetheart, but a mother can dream, can't she?"

Ouch.

Part of the reason why I wanted to go so far away was to get away from Renee. I love her, I do. But her life with Phil is new, she be starting a new family with him, and I'd just be in the way. Renee walked back to me, and pulled me into her tightly wrapping her arms around me. "I will miss you."

We stood like that for what seemed like forever, probably the longest embrace we've ever had. "Now get some sleep, your flight leaves in only a few hours"  
And with that she turned around, and I watched her walk out of her new fitness room.

--

The cab smelt like old socks and meat so I pried the backseat window open and looked at my new town. Large houses, adjacent to even larger houses flashed by, with women walking dogs and children with leashes along the sidewalk. At a red light I watched a boy around the age of 8, with a neatly ironed blue dress shirt running in circles around a tree while a hysteric older woman chased him with a pair of slacks in his hands. The pant-less boy stopped to look at me, waved, and as I was waving back the woman gave me a glare and grabbed pant-less boy, dragging him inside yelling "I don't get paid enough for this!"

This was going to be interesting.

"First time in LA, Miss?" the cab driver growled as I watching a group of girls no older than 10, chatting on their cell phones.

"Yeah," I said absentmindedly, I didn't even have a cell phone.

"Good luck," was all he said as the cab came to a stop. He got out, took out my bags from the trunk, I passed him my money and he sped off.

Turning my gaze from the shrinking yellow car, I saw it. Green spread for miles, and in the center was a building, _the_building. Two towers rose with caged windows at the top, the center had arches on two levels making it look like a cathedral. Students walked by, or layed in the grass ignoring the view. I would have thought it impossible to ignore, it was... beautiful. I've seen pictures. Hell I know it's entire history. But no picture could capture this.

This is my home.


	2. Running Wild

**Disclaimer: These characters are based off of Twilight, which I didn't write.**

"Get out of the way!" I heard someone yell at me. I only then realized I was standing in the middle of the road like an idiot.

I moved out of the road as a car sped by, just missing me. I wasn't surprised that my clumsiness took over and my feet tangled with the strap on my duffle bag sending me crashing to the ground, followed by my suitcase. Face planted into the grass, I moved a bit and testing to see if anything was hurt, satisfied I started to sit up to untwist my ankles from the straps.

"Oh man, are you okay?" I heard him come up behind me and I wished I was still in the rancid cab. Of course the first thing I do on my first day is fall on my face in front of a guy. I looked up. A _cute_ guy. How lucky am I? I could feel my face start to burn. His golden locks flowing perfectly over his deep hazel eyes that were full of surprise and worry.

"Yeah, I'm alright." Not like it was the first time. I started to get off my butt and felt his arms around me helping me up. Well that was a first. I hid my now lobster face and bent down behind me to upright my suitcase and set the straps of my duffel bag over my shoulder.

"Are you new here? I'm Jasper." I turned around seeing him holding out his hand. I just stared at it, then at him. He was taller than he looked when I was on the ground.

"Hello?" he bent his head a bit, a smile not reaching his eyes. I must have looked like a fool just standing there, so I reached out to shake his hand. As I did that, my duffel bag slid off my shoulder, falling to the ground, towards his feet.

I managed to unpack a lot of what my mother tried to force me to bring, but I still had half of my wardrobe and about 5 music books in that bag. The world must hate me, because at that moment everything went in slow motion. Both me and the bag. I tried grabbing the straps but I was too late. I heard the crash of my things crushing his foot, and Jasper's stunned face which after a few seconds turned to one of pain. There was a grunting sound coming from his throat and his eyes crashed together.

"Oh my God, I am so sorry!" I yelled and lifted my bad. I saw people around getting closer and closer. I couldn't breathe. They were laughing, surrounding me.  
I was back in eighth grade and I could see the faces of those two girls that night after I felt down the stairs of the school. Their hands in their smooth blonde hair not even trying to suppress their laughter. Others gathered around joining in on the ridicule. Before I knew it, I could feel feet in my back, hands on my face, and none of it to help me up but to keep me down. It was a game to them. I was back standing on the grass of the university campus. It was happening again. I couldn't be vulnerable to the laughter so I ran.

I'm surprised I didn't fall with my bags trailing behind me. I couldn't hear anything, only the wind in my ears just like I wanted. I had to erase the laughter because this can't happen to me again. I knew where I needed to go, I just had to find out how to get there. I pushed open the huge doors of the main building, looking at the different signs. Come on, come on.

There it is. Schoenberg Music Building. I ran out and tried to coordinate myself, following the signs directions. I needed to throw myself into practice mode,  
it's the only way I won't explode. After sprinting around corners, up stairs, and across parking lots for a good 20 minutes I finally got to the building and down to the practice room level. Then i saw a sign.

**Practice rooms only available to those who book in advanced.**

What the hell? You have to _book_a room? This is ridiculous. I was breathing hard from either the running, or my frustration, I wasn't sure, so didn't notice someone exiting the wooden door I'd give my right arm to go through. I did notice them when they didn't move. It was a guy. Weren't there girls at this friggin university? He didn't move though, just stood there in the doorway staring at me.

"What do you want?" I said exasperated after about a minute.

"Uhh.. Well did you want to go in?" He was tall, taller than Jasper was, and his finger kept going through his messy bronze hair like he was nervous. I guess seeing a crazed lunatic, carrying her weight in bags, panting and walking in circles would do that to someone. I looked at his face, gazing into his bottomless green eyes a little too long because he cleared his throat.

"Are you alright? You look a little flustered." He was still in the doorway. Why wasn't he leaving?

"I.. I didn't realize you needed a reservation to practice here." I stuttered out. He was probably the most beautiful man I'd ever set eyes on. But why did I feel like this? He's just a guy. I'm here on a full scholarship and could not, no correct that, would not mess it up by getting distracted.

What am I saying? It's not like a guy like that would ever look twice at me.

"Bella? That's a nice name. Is this you're first time here?" I really wished he would leave and let me wollow in my misery, but wait he said my name.

"H-How do you know my name?"

"Well.." he nodded to my duffel bag that had BELLA written across it in black permanent marker. Thanks Mom. I felt the heat rising again, I hated how my body betrayed me. "You can head on into practice if you like." He continued leaning against the door now. "Not many people use the rooms until after orientation,  
and you really only need to reserve during exam weeks. I'm Edward, by the way." He held out his hand, and I was not going to make that mistake again. I made sure I wasn't attached to anything heavy, and grabbed his hand to shake it. His fingers grasped around my hand, they were so gentle and soft, but firm at the same time. I stared into his eyes again, and didn't realize I was lost in them until he pulled away, already missing his touch. He held the door open for me and I grabbed my stuff and past through.

"Nice to meet you Bella..." He trailed off.

"Swan. Bella Swan," I said as I turned to thank him. When I looked to his face now, it was darker, his eyes pulled together in frustration and anger. He let the wooden door slam shut, and the last thing I remembered seeing was the blackness of his eyes.


	3. Goosebumps

**Dislcaimer: Twilight I own not.**

**A/N: So I've got hits. Gasp! I've got hits! It's wicked to know people are actually reading my C worthy writing. But what I really want are, and you know it, REVIEWS! I guess I have to take baby steps or whatever. All I know is that this is fun, and I'm writing story lines in my head at work.. because really.. working at cash doesn't really give me much to do. This one's a little shorter than my other ones, I worked all day and I'm freaking tired.**

--

_"Swan. Bella Swan," I said as I turned to thank him. When I looked to his face now, it was darker, his eyes pulled together in frustration and anger. He let the wooden door slam shut, and the last thing I remembered seeing was the blackness of his eyes._

--

The icy basement was set up like a conference room. Rows upon rows of those uncomfortable plastic chairs teasing to numb you from the waste down. The seats were filling up fast so I quickly grabbed the last seat in the last row next to a tiny girl with bushy hair and nervous eyes. I started to feel sorry for her but then I realized I probably looked the exact same.

A short, balding man with a bad comb over walked up to a podium at the front of the room, adjusted his thick rimmed glasses, and started welcoming everyone. He probably talked about what a bunch of talented wonderful futures we all had with the university, but I wasn't listening. I only saw those eyes. Those black eyes piercing through me, so full of hate. Even practicing, which usually captivates my entire mind, didn't erase them. They lingered like the feel if his hands on mine did. I looked down, ringing them together like I was washing my hands, trying to get the tingling out of them. I lifted my head carefully, looking around the orientation, readying my head to turn away if I saw him. I didn't. I shimmied in my seat, sitting up higher to get a better look around. No messy bronze hair, no bottomless eyes. I sighed, not sure if I was relieved or not.

Still ignoring the speaker, I turned my attention to the beauty that was my fellow classmates. I moaned internally, wishing I looked more like Renee. Her tall, slender curves mocked my short, flat stature. My brown hair dull with split ends. Lanky and plain - that's Bella Swan for you. I inherited my plainness from my father, Charlie, actually I inherited pretty much everything from him. I pulled at the stray threads of the end of my t-shirt annoyingly, letting my hair fall over the right side of my pale skinned face. Out of the corner of my eye I saw _them._ They're perfection made me want to vomit. The clothing they were wearing screamed designer, from the boys' suede suit jackets to the cream coloured knee-high boots of the girls. These were the people Mom wanted for me, these were the people I would try my best to ignore for the next 8 months.

I watched as a girl from the group, with long flowing blonde hair stood and approached the podium. Her graceful ballerina-worthy stride made me instantly hate her, and the fact that she was easily the most beautiful girl in the room added to that emotion.

"Thank you Dr. Prutle." Her musical voice rang over the polite applause. "You're words always inspire." I rolled my eyes as she turned to face the group of students.

"As previously stated by one of my favourite professors, I am Rosalie Hale, student president of your musical society and of the Student Union." She paused for effect with a smirk, pleased with the crowds attention. God, I hate her even more. "I will do my best this year to create a unity with eachother," she continued. "To break down those walls, to show the rest of the university that we are more than musicians! We are the future!" Bile rose in my throat while students jumped out of their seats and roared to the glowing, proud president.

I got up to leave not being able to take any more, and as I was merely feet away from the exit, Rosalie's voice sang over the dulling cheer. "I am proud to have the opportunity to present our faculty and some of our rising stars. They have prepared something wonderful for our meeting here today." Her voice barely hung on to her excitement.

Then it started.

Strings, a harp, even a guitar, sang as if it's only that moment that matters. I turned around and it hit me full on. Crescendos, rising scales, twinkling notes brought back the feeling of clinging to the hope I've held onto for months. I closed my eyes. Flowing notes like water, muted sound, rise and fall of tempo created silence in the music; majestically feeling calm and powerful, floating higher and higher, through the ceiling into the sky. I leaned onto the back wall, feeling my knees buckle under my weight. Those high notes held for hours while a single violin played a sober tune that my eyes responded to with wetness. Then there's the melody, voices blended sounding like one person with a million voices, coming at me as if from behind a hill; a sunrise. Pure ecstasy... and for a second the world is still. There was no one in that room except me and the music, and when I opened my eyes - I saw him. I could see those fingers and even from the back of the room I could see their steady flow pouring onto the keys of the piano. The result was the most beautiful sound to have ever reached my ears, and to think.. I had been touching them only hours ago.

I caught myself dreaming, imagining us together. With the music, anything seemed possible, but then it stopped suddenly and I remembered his glare. Dammit, why am I such an idiot? Why does he hate me so much? What could I have possibly done to have him hate me? I should just turn around and run, that was my answer to everything. Keep running so the bad things couldn't catch up and kick and punch and point and...

The conductor turned around and I gasped. A few people close to where I stood turned and faced me, but for the first time, I didn't give a damn. Dr. Brandon Strongheld stood with his crinkly eyes and blinding white teeth, beaming at the grand applause received from the students. He was here. I was here. This was the reason why I'd come here. He was the artist of that beautiful piece and maybe, just maybe, I'd be able to paint music like that one day.


End file.
